Wings cut short, or sort of bdsm pleasure

You know I was just thinking about the things that make me vulnerable. Cause I personally hate this feeling, like being hanged in the air like being controlled from outside and unable to do my thing. Generally, who the hell was the first to come up with the idea of control?

And the more important question, why do we need it? If I wanna do something I’ll do it anyway and either way, and if I do it breaking some rules, escaping the CONTROL, then the feeling would just get better and the victory would just feel sweeter. So why do we need control and sort of submission it takes a long. What sort of bdsm pleasure is that supposed to give?

It’s just pretty weird when you just start to realize this stuff. I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist, I can only say what I feel and what I feel it should or shouldn’t be like. Just take a moment to think how often you have been controlled in your life. Were your parents trying to keep you under their “wise” control? Did it work? Did it feel good to miss some part of your own experience just because “it didn’t work out” with somebody else?

Some people are control freaks. I’m a control freak too sometimes. It feels awful, frankly speaking. Control makes me feel vulnerable, it makes me insecure, it deprives me of small stupid moments of thoughtlessness and live-one-moment happiness.

But on the other hand, control is your own stage of evolution and self development. There is self control. If you’re someone with mature personality, you just have to be self-controlled. So maybe it’s not that bad, and you can never really feel absolutely free safe for a case when you’re running down a deserted island’s coast line naked?

We’re all control freaks. Whether we admit it or not, but we are. And subsequently, we’re vulnerable and might feel insecure, and … We’re human beings and you know what, there’s nothing we can do about it. And that’s a positive thing. That’s the thing I love.

P.S. My sis has just called me. I’m a grown up but she still feels I’m a little girl she needs to take care of. She’s a control freak for sure. And that’s probably what I love about her but will surely never tell her.

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