John Mayer thinks you’re old. Happy birthday, Jen!

Jennifer Aniston is celebrating her 41st birthday today. Meanwhile, her ex John Mayer is set to make sure more females hate him for his rude and totally inappropriate comments regarding his (multiple) famous ex girlfriends.

When asked about his 9 month long relationship with Jen, Mayer said the both still have “a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense,” however he goes on to dish about the main reason for their March 2009 split. It’s all about age and Meyer being obviously too young to “pet dogs in the kitchen”.

He told the publication:

In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32… But 32 just comes roaring out of me at points when I don’t see it coming. I want to dance. I want to get on an airplane and be like a ninja. I want to be an explorer. I want to be like The Bourne Identity. I don’t want to pet dogs in the kitchen.”

What an asshole you are, John Mayer!

Here are other facts to prove my point.

Fact #1, in the same interview John gushed about his other date, Jessica Simpson, calling her “sexual napalm” in bed, “a drug” and “crack cocaine to me.” Nice metaphors, idiot.

Sexually it was crazy,” he said about their relationship. “That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f**king snort you?'”

Fact # 2 is his major goal for 2010. John wants to be the real tabloid whore this year, even if it’s just all about him being a douche bag:

From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That’s f***** up, man. I’m not dating. I’m not even f******. So now I’m going to experiment with ‘f*** you.’ In 2010 my goal is to get more mentions in Us Weekly than ever.”

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