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Suri Cruise: Monster-Kid Is Writing Children’s Book

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Celebrity autobiographies are pretty funny things. Sometimes while reading someone’s biography I can’t help laughing at the stupidity written there. А I am not mistaken, the record in publishing life stories was established by Geri Halliwell who has fourteen of them. Oh, yeah, Justin Bieber has already issued 3 (!) autobiographies. Okay, he’ll be in cash due to Bieber fever. But I guess the youngest popular autobiography writer would be… five-year-old Suri Holmes. According to In Touch magazine December issue Suri has already finished writing her book and now is working on the illustrations. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are so happy and proud and they’re going to publish it as soon as everything is ready. I do not doubt that this spoiled brat has some brains; still, I am not very enthusiastic what’s she’s written. I dare to make supposition that Tom’s alien friends gave Suri some mysterious power of genius smartness.

Tom and Katie allegedly told the magazine:

Suri is smart beyond her years. Not only is she writing the book, she’s also working on all the illustrations. She is actually very talented for someone so young.”

By the way, I always have some weird feeling looking at Suri. It’s obvious that she’s too spoiled and does not have any gram of baby look, but there’s also something negative in her gaze. Actually, there are a lot of odd things about Suri Cruise’s upbringing, like the fact she only subsists on cupcakes, never wears coats in the winter and plays with penis-shaped candies. Oh, yeah, Suri doesn’t know what the word ‘no’ means. According to her former nannies and many people who have met Suri at once, she realizes that she can manipulate everybody around.
An insider commented:

Whether it’s a priceless diamond tiara or cupcakes at midnight, spoiled Suri’s wish is her overworked staff’s command.”

As for her notorious outfits, Suri has already developed her own image and shopaholic features. Another source told:

She loves shopping and has already developed an eye for picking out clothes for Tom and Katie. Money is no object to her parents, and they literally buy her whatever she wants.They’ve been known to spend $50,000 in one month on clothes and toys for her, and they allow their personal chefs and household staff to indulge Suri’s cravings.”

It’s a wide-known fact that Suri possesses huge shoe collection. Marc Jacobs custom-made shoes, Louboutins, all in all her footwear collection costs more than $200,000. As for her high-heeled shoes. I wonder how Katie can let her wear heels all the time. As far as I know heels are harmful even for adults, I personally try to walk, do shopping wearing flats. I’ve heard that the older she gets, the less she wants to wear anything but little heels.

Even when she’s going to play dates or walking on the beach, she cries if Katie reaches for anything but a little pair of sandals with some sort of heel. She literally cries, ‘No, Mama, no!’ And then points to whatever pair she feels like wearing — no matter how inappropriate!”

They say that Suri chooses shoes not only for herself, but also for her parents. Katie is said to be tired of her daughter’s requests. I understand you, Katie… But according to aliens, kids should be treated like adults. So, blame Tom for raising a monster.

Btw, about Suri’s style. That girl is almost always dressed in inappropriate way. If it’s cold, she goes out in dress without sleeves, if it’s hot, she’s seen in fur coat. I doubt that she doesn’t feel cold… And her hair is always messy; I have feeling that this family is usually dressed in darkness judging by their hairdos. For goodness sake, Katie, brush your and daughter’s hair!

Scientology probably propagandizes squandering, spoiling, mischievousness, and total permissiveness regarding kids. According to In Touch Weekly, Suri has a $100,000 tree house! She holds tea parties there on fine china and watches TV with friends and has personnel which must fulfill her wishes at once. People, forget about Paris Hilton, this kid is beating her out.

Meanwhile, Suri’s grandparents Martin and Kathleen Holmes are worrying that she’s still allowed to use a pacifier. An insider told that they’re very worried that Tom isn’t letting Suri enjoy the childhood she deserves because of his Scientology beliefs.

Suri is 5 years old. But Katie or Tom always carry her! Hey, stop! Let her walk!

And, please, wean her from making faces!

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November 26th, 2011


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